I haven’t been happy in years.
Maybe a fleeting tingle on occasion, but nothing that I can remember. Happy just hasn’t been a thing for me. Until yesterday, which I thought was another fleeting fluke. But I’m happy again today. Inexplicably. I am not relaxing or stress-free or without my usual massive to-do list. I am not without care and responsibility. But I am happy.
Possibly more so because it is a feeling that I deeply appreciate from it’s near-constant absence for so long. It’s not euphoria or an energy high, it’s a deep, centered feeling.
I have done a lot of mental work this week in the midst of a lot of stress and crisis. I have been preparing myself to return to a healthier diet, more consistent exercise and waking up earlier so that I can actually accomplish these things. I have been preparing myself to transition out of crisis mode by thinking though what I will do and how and the changes I need to make to achieve my goals.
Somewhere in that I was gifted with Happy. And I am so grateful.