My idea of a day off is running around stressing about other things and getting shit done.
I am fighting my way back to being fully functional, and I have ended up with a lot of things to catch up on, in addition to an unexpected and fast-paced new project at work and the continuing family crisis.
I worked all last weekend, I worked around the house and in my garden last weekend, this week was bananas and I got to the end of the day yesterday typing up a document that I had only been provided a printed version of and needed to edit for a client. I was done, I was over it (that describes me quite often these days), and I persevered to finish it.
Today I veered off the normal day off and actually took a day off. I stayed in bed until late morning, drank tea while watering my garden, sweated my way through some tomato worm killing, ate a gluten-free lunch, read a book (I read fast, and yes I can read entire books in an afternoon) and did about an hour of yoga. Now it is about to rain. Today is awesome.
I read you’ll get through this by Max Lucado. It’s good. I’m glad to see people of faith acknowledge trauma and loss and grief and stop pretending Jesus removes our challenges and the consequences of sin. He doesn’t say you’ll get over it. He says through it. The best way is through. I love that because I live it. I have been through hell, and through it I have come, and will likely go again. Glad I stopped trying to get over it.
I’m a member of Do You Yoga, a site that offers a wide range of yoga instruction. Since my schedule is all over the place and I enjoy not leaving the house this has turned out to be a good option for me. They’ve had this Bikini Challenge going this week, and discussions about the implications of the name aside, I joined up out of curiosity, and because any time they call a set of classes a “challenge” I am usually not physically capable of completing all of the workout and I end up being sweaty and inspired.
I don’t look at the feats and accomplishments of others and wish I could to, I don’t feel jealous and I don’t berate myself because I couldn’t. I think how cool that people can do those challenging and difficult things, and with enough work I can do that too. But since I have been busy working on my trauma/crisis body and not my yoga body, my trauma body looks incredible and my yoga body needs work. I am so content with that.
So I did about half an hour of my best attempt, laid in Goddess Pose the rest of the time while I listened to Sam work her magic and I let my heart rate drop the lowest it’s been in a couple of weeks. My resting heart rate has been in the 70s and I am pretty sure I am headed for a stroke, so it’s more of a priority for me to get that down than it is for me to get sculpted abs.
I have an amazing trauma body. Something to think about while I spend the rest of the day enjoying myself and forgetting what a to-do list even is.